Interpretations
He was a quiet brother. meaning He never spoke a word for the Lord.
We don’t know whether he’s saved . " He never spoke a word for the Lord.
We don’t know whether he is saved . “ He’s unmoved by gospel preaching.
He doesn’t show much interest . “ He sleeps through the meetings.
He’s a carnal believer . “ He asks questions of the oversight.
He’s a great scholar . " He thinks the Bible is full of error
He’s very gifted. “ He has two cars and a big house.
He’s a fine preacher. “ His ministry never touches me.
He’s a humble brother “ He doesn’t earn half what I do.
He has a simple faith . “ He never reads his Bible.
He attends the meetings regularly “ He comes Sunday mornings only.
He’s a powerful preacher “ He never calls for repentance.
His wife is a “mother in Israel”. “ His wife rules the Assembly.
We are not sure where his children stand . “ His children run wild.
He wants to be the church secretary “ He understands the “book me-I'll book you” system.
He says the AV Bible has lots of mistakes, " He never believed the Bible anyway.
Friday, 23 July 2010
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
What about the NIV?
True Origin of NIV
This report is taken from the works of Herr Ingboen the Germerican theologian.
While working on the pre-Adamic fossil fields which lay between Genwunwun and Genwuntu in the impenetrable region of Higher Krittika, where sane men have never trod, Herr Ingbown made an amazing discovery.
A casket was found with strange markings on it. After careful examination he was able to determine a prehistoric code. It read LIAR HSITIRB FO YTREPORP.
Inside the casket was a roll of paper wound round a small cardboard cylinder. The roll was covered in hyroglyphics that hadn’t been invented until later in the Egyptian era. It had the pungent smell of the Alexandrian Sandpits.
He knew immediately he had discovered the original NIV.
Arriving back in Infiddellia, capital of Germerica, he set to work cleaning it up ready for publication. At first none would buy it but Rupert Mudlark and his press gang took an interest in it. He knew the Ghetto Dwellers of New Tork would fall for it, and they did. As also did a few at the Brose Glory Chapel. [the BGC’s are found mainly in Ontario, and north of Oxford-ed]
They liked the story of Samson and Deluded and how the world was made in 350,000,000,000,000 days [I thik there are too many noughts here- ed.] The story of the old lady swallowing a whale went down a scream,
Richard Squawkins declared it to be a masterpiece; a triumph of science, a death-blow to homeopathy and the theory of light.
So we have the NIV . Nil In Vitro.
This title , Herr Ingboen, assures us, will allay the fears of the scholars. It has never been put to the test. It has never been in the crucible.
The following authorities have vouchsafed the accuracy of this article:
J Riggle, B Bunter, B Stevedore, DR Pest, LMS, NAAFI.
This report is taken from the works of Herr Ingboen the Germerican theologian.
While working on the pre-Adamic fossil fields which lay between Genwunwun and Genwuntu in the impenetrable region of Higher Krittika, where sane men have never trod, Herr Ingbown made an amazing discovery.
A casket was found with strange markings on it. After careful examination he was able to determine a prehistoric code. It read LIAR HSITIRB FO YTREPORP.
Inside the casket was a roll of paper wound round a small cardboard cylinder. The roll was covered in hyroglyphics that hadn’t been invented until later in the Egyptian era. It had the pungent smell of the Alexandrian Sandpits.
He knew immediately he had discovered the original NIV.
Arriving back in Infiddellia, capital of Germerica, he set to work cleaning it up ready for publication. At first none would buy it but Rupert Mudlark and his press gang took an interest in it. He knew the Ghetto Dwellers of New Tork would fall for it, and they did. As also did a few at the Brose Glory Chapel. [the BGC’s are found mainly in Ontario, and north of Oxford-ed]
They liked the story of Samson and Deluded and how the world was made in 350,000,000,000,000 days [I thik there are too many noughts here- ed.] The story of the old lady swallowing a whale went down a scream,
Richard Squawkins declared it to be a masterpiece; a triumph of science, a death-blow to homeopathy and the theory of light.
So we have the NIV . Nil In Vitro.
This title , Herr Ingboen, assures us, will allay the fears of the scholars. It has never been put to the test. It has never been in the crucible.
The following authorities have vouchsafed the accuracy of this article:
J Riggle, B Bunter, B Stevedore, DR Pest, LMS, NAAFI.
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